My Autobiography
I’m sure that there’s some diagnosable aspect to my posting my L in public. Oh well.
I would just like for people to know that I had a thing that I really loved. I loved it because it brought me security and because I had a person that I could love unconditionally and who would always return that love no matter what, someone who had no expectations about what love should be and so soaked up every ounce which you gave to them. I hope that there’s someone else out there who can perceive my reminiscence and who can chuckle with me and feel the warmth at what I lived as those nice things.
I really loved being with them, Amber and Piper. I loved all of the family activities together, like getting on airplanes for vacation, going to Christmas markets and summer fairs, road trips to local places, or distant ones, staying in hotels together and swimming in their pools, camping, and the boring days with nothing to do at home. I can not tell you how much I loved all of that and how much I loved Amber for it all. Do you have any idea how comforting it is to have a wife and daughter at home doing some artsy craft at the kitchen island counter while you read a good book on philosophy on the couch across the room? It’s exquisite. You can walk over and give them a kiss on the cheek whenever you want. You can make a hot herbal tea and enjoy a treat with it all the while. You can tease them with some indecipherable questions to see how they respond with their intelligent insight into your scheme and chuckle all together at the silliness. How can life be so perfect?
But do you know what my problem was? I don’t know if it’s a result of childhood trauma, or if I may in fact have some lingering inherited schizophrenia which my mother says that my father suffered from, or too many bodies in combination or consequence with all that, but I was incredibly withdrawn and simply did not express outward love and affection to Amber, to the extent that we lived a celibate life together. I seem to have a completely split personality, on the one hand so completely and entirely in love with my family, I mean so entirely in love with the most minute elements and details as inconsequential as how and where we stored the pizza stones, that I wish to die over these things, to being completely cold and loveless to Amber outwardly. What was wrong with me? I wished for a highly intimate life, but my wife was the last place I wanted to expend that ongoing and overwhelming desire.
I post such sordid detail because I don’t want anyone to blame Amber about anything. Sure, she could have done differently. Sure. So could I have. We obviously both did not know what to do, and we were certainly both not set up with very good expectations from our childhoods. I do think that the responsibility bears more largely upon me as the man, but I ended up nowhere near being able to shoulder it, let alone understand it at the time when I should have. Amber was much, much more of an innocent person than I, and certainly as a woman. Not that I didn’t have my own form of innocence, but for what it’s worth, she is fundamentally a good person, and sometimes I wonder if I am fundamentally bad, but in any case, noone can truly be blamed or be held responsible for what they don’t understand and don’t know how to do, and certainly not for the postulates which they may have learned in childhood and remain unaware of and unable to reformulate.
Oh, sure, though, there is all sorts of criticism and critical analysis to pull out of all of this, and lots of accusation, both from the female and from the male perspective. And do you know what? All of that accusatory analysis is all perfectly valid and true. And all of it is what it is, and all of it has no solution. From no-fault divorce to being trapped in an inescapable abusive marriage…it’s all true, everything which can be said about the terror inflicted upon husbands and wives by their respective spouses. And we just don’t know what to do about it, without simply one spouse being able to completely dominate the other, whether the wife or the husband. And yes, I know that that’s one popular solution.
There’s just no even solution, but that means that there must be something incredibly important to learn here! It points to some fundamental structural problem in…in something, something beyond what either men or women are individually responsible for. Someone should figure that out, even if it turns out that it’s necessary to have no solution! There’s something which we need to understand about each other, at the least, unless it is not understanding each other which is necessary.
I am personally utterly destroyed now. While Amber was leaving, and I having been unemployed for 8 months, I fell to a scam targeting me for my BTC I’d had since $5…worth 300,000USD today. I was in such a completely retarded emotional and psychological state that I fell to a scam which stole them all. Being so distraught over that, I then agreed to sell the house right away, thinking that I could at least have half of the equity right away to use to rebuild. But that’s not coming to me either possibly for years or at all, and it’s only going to be much less than I expected…much less than the BTC I lost. I’m now homeless other than acquaintances’ spare rooms, and siblings’ basements. I hate becoming other people’s dependent, as it feels that I am now. My career is over, the thing which once gave my life such meaning and middle-class income, now being completely detestable to me, and I to it, with what I’ve learned about it. I work for minimum wage full time now, which isn’t enough but to rent a room in shared accommodations, should I make the attempt to live on my own, which I haven’t yet the confidence for. All of my things are in a moving trailer, and I have nowhere to put them. I have a negative cash balance, and credit card debt which I cannot pay. I have nowhere to make videos, and I’m too mentally spent from work for any attention to pay on the climate alarm fraud or development of Illuminism and Ontological Mathematics. I have a laptop to my name and a suitcase of clothing. I see my daughter once per month for 5 hours, and I’m forced to pay $400 each time for a supervisor to chaperone us for no reason other than that my x-wife knows that it humiliates me. I wish that I didn’t exist. I’ve made so many bad decisions, I mean not just over the last year, but going back decades into my youth even.
But, I know that I have something really important to teach to the world. I have a script written out, and I know that it will create a revolution to last until the end of humanity is achieved. I know that the script will remove the authority of the mandarin fake academic class and their political and financial enablers forever, that it will be the worst possible thing to ever develop for those who would enslave us, whilst being the best possible thing to ever happen for the masses. I know that there is a crux upon me about which the world may turn, with the potential for the end of all life on Earth if it doesn’t, and the basis for a wondrous Star Trek/Star Wars future if it does. I know that it will unify humanity in a healthy and beneficial way as nature and the Gods and God intended it. I know what to show people and how to show it. I know that it requires a certain level of production to succeed. I need your help to pull it off. I cashed out on my career, and on my beloved family and my home, to get to this point. I’m fully spent, and I have no more equity to draw upon. I don’t mind having done so given the value of what I gained for the world for it. It’s now up to whatever possibilities are out there to bring me back into the game to produce this script. Please support this for the future of humanity. Please support me that I may rebuild my life.

XMR:
45fqTJwGDNqJ2Mji5iFogHRba5fVrAmmk2TGzmeP65nxM2TWJYqkyF8YSeSTbLj6A2HJpffeP1HJp2Xobj5gSU4uNTchjmf

BTC:
bc1q675unfzm9tdwcflu3k28lu84znnmt6wsnv3zqq

https://www.givesendgo.com/ontologicalmathematics